Let me clear something up for you kids. First off, my name ain't "Jack." It's the code name...long before aging hipsters started naming their kids Jack 'cause they thought it sounded "kinda tough." God, are you kidding me? Why don't you go on TV and get another tattoo that represents your fight against your own stupidity, your dead goldfish, how you're so deep, or how the portrait of your dead great grandpa you never met is gonna let everyone know "Look out world, I'm an individual." Yeah, sure you are. An individual piece of hammered dog shit. Back when I got tattoos they didn't mean shit. They mighta meant I got the herpe sores so bad right now, or it burns so much when I piss that I gotta distract myself with the pain of this shitty anchor tattoo.

-max schaaf